Dark Night of the Soul part 2

If you missed the first part of my story, click here to check it out now. Otherwise…onwards!

As my best friend was of Indian descent, her culture and tradition said she should be buried as soon as possible. The first day of that new year of 2014, a new year that I had thought was going to continue riding on the amazing energies of the year before, was spent finding the cheapest emergency flight back to South Africa to attend my best friend's funeral. Something I never thought I would ever have to do at the young age of 32. 

Burying a friend at any point in time is painful. Burying a friend at such a young age as she left her 18 month old daughter and husband behind as well as watching her parents bury their second child after her younger brother died two years earlier was utterly devastating. 

I also experienced a huge loss of confidence in myself through losing my best friend. It was weird for me how death triggered that feeling. It forced me to realise how short life indeed is and opened me up to experiencing how to communicate with my best friend in a different way now that she had left her body. I sensed her around me and would often have very real conversations with her.  

Having gone back to South Africa and said my goodbyes, I had to rush back to London for our January event. It was such a strange time for me. My world had been rocked by the loss of my best friend and for some strange reason my ex business partner and I were not flowing in the same direction any more and the fracture was starting to become an abyss. There was a strangeness about her and from the supporting team around me. I had thought it was me who was going a bit crazy at the time because I was grieving my friend and I struggled to understand it, but I emphatically knew something was off. 

It was around 6 weeks into the new year when I received a telephone call from my ex business partner. She proceeded to accuse me of stealing money from of the business and of me wanting to get access to money that wasn´t rightfully mine. I found this all super strange because all our client payments were taken online and sent straight into the business bank account. Any fraudulent transactions would all be clearly visible through any electronic transfer and so I had no idea where this accusation was coming from. Queue “Dark Night of the Soul 2”. 

This accusation rocked me to my very core, accusing me of something I knew I hadn't done at the very time I was struggling to make sense of my best friend's departure. Had she gone absolutely insane? I could not believe what I was hearing! One of my core values continues to be truth and to have been accused of something like that left me feeling crucified and betrayed. It was like kicking me in the head over and over whilst I was already down on the ground injured from the loss of my best friend. Not only that, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was as tapped into the unseen world as she claimed to have been, then surely she could see that there was no energetic disturbance in my field that such a dense energy like lying would indeed create. I was once again devastated and totally dumb founded!  

We landed up in an agonising litigation battle for 10 months in which I eventually proved my innocence that left me with a small financial sum of compensation, which subsequently went straight into paying my lawyers fees. 

To this day I have no idea why my ex business partner thought I would have done something like that but I have long since forgiven her for creating such chaos and now celebrate and honour the painful lessons I had learnt from that experience. I do not regret having gone into business with her and I still feel she was an incredibly talented spiritual teacher. We all do strange things in our lives. That was just one of hers.

From the dreaded call on New Years Day for about three years after, I clawed my way back into my own self confidence and stability doing my best to heal from the loss of a best friend, the loss of a business I had bank rolled out of my own pocket and the loss of trust in humanity in general. I had done my best to get myself up and running financially leading a small marketing consulting but for love nor money I could not make it work. I was emotionally done and felt I needed to give myself a break so it became time to jump back into the system just so that I could re-stabilise myself financially again. 

Those 5 years of running my own businesses with no formal training is what I like to call my “Street MBA”. It was an MBA that I did on my own, out in the real world, carving out my own path and finding a way to make it through. The Street MBA proved to be super useful when I went back to job hunting as I found a suitable role quite instantly. I was back in financial abundance again, which was something I had not felt since the court case. Phew! I could breathe again. Or so I thought!

It was around that time when I was just getting back on my feet, moving in a more positive direction that my long term partner of 6 years, whom I owned a house and was ready to truly settle down with, told me that she was unsure of our relationship. Queue “Dark night of the Soul 3”. WHAT THE ACTUAL …! 

Click here to head to part 3.