Dark night of the Soul part 4

There are previous parts (1, 2 and 3) to this story so be sure to read those for full context.

In my days of travelling I had wanted to go and do a plant medicine journey using the psychedelic plant combination of Ayahuasca. I had stayed a few days in the Amazon with an indigenous family back when I was travelling in Peru, but I never actually had the courage to sign up for a real ceremony. It was something that I had discussed in therapy at length going into the pro´s and cons and whether I should go or not.

Since travelling, which at this stage was 8 years prior, I had been researching many options. I had previously been too afraid of what opening Pandora's box might bring, along with constantly being dissuaded by my previous ex partner and at times even my therapist. I will never recommend anyone doing a medicine journey unless they have wholeheartedly been called. I have the strong belief that the plants or animals call each person by communicating with them in some shape or form whether that be crossing paths with someone who has journeyed before, to dreams, reading books or getting feelings within. I had been drawn to Ayahuasca for some time and now it felt like the time was right for me to commit. 

The year before a friend of mine had journeyed with a group in Spain. The thing I liked about this particular group was that after each ceremonial session they held integration sessions with therapists where the participants were invited to share their experiences and learnings helping them make sense of their journeys of the night before into a world unseen. 

I had been umming and aagghhhing for a while now, however a week before the news of my dad's stroke I had summoned up the courage to book my flights and pay the deposit for my first weekend Medicine Retreat in Mallorca, Spain.

I went on the first of what became 3 retreats, the week before I went home to go and see my Dad and help my mom sort out some things now that my dad's condition was starting to be more clearly understood. Being the victim of a stroke is a terrible thing. Not just for the person it happens to, but for their family as well. It's like that person just ups and leaves the moment the stroke occurs and a different person is left behind.

The journey that plant medicines take you on is truly ineffable. My first retreat was in March 2018. I then landed up going in June and September that same year too. A full triple trimester rebirthing cycle of my new self involved having the courage to do the inner work and heal those deep wounds that I could not see but knew were blocking me and keeping me attached to unhelpful limiting beliefs.

My journeys with the medicines, which expanded to include others like Kambo and 5MEO DMT, were incredibly helpful breakthroughs for me. I do however feel that if I did not have the prior foundations that I had based on my own understanding of consciousness, support mechanisms in place like my spiritual and talk therapists as well as basic techniques helping with energy management, it would have been a whole different ball game. 

This is my big challenge with the current en vogue nature of the popular uptake in medicine ceremonies. I find it inspiring that people are curious enough now in the process of opening themselves up to the lessons that the medicine can deliver, however I am eternally surprised at how some folks can be somewhat naive and callous in their approach to the work and dedication that is required to stay grounded and integrate all that is received from each ceremony. 

Too many folks are thinking that these ancient medicines are a silver bullet to their problems when in actual fact it's often just the start of the deep healing work. But I totally trust that each person is here to learn their own lessons and go on their own journey, whatever that may be. Another universal law coming into play here. Freewill! There's a reason that the psychedelic movement is becoming more and more popular and I have heard in some conversations with indigenous people from the jungle that it was the medicines that wanted to come out of the jungle and be part of the paradigm shift we find now ourselves in. 

My advice is just for folks to be prepared because your life will change so make sure you can accept that change, whatever it may look like. If that advice is not headed one might be heading for a breakdown instead of a breakthrough leaving a whole bunch of additional homework and trauma to work through adding to the burden of stepping into courage to make change. 

The journey of the Souls evolution is eternal so there is no getting it done nor are we excused from doing the work either. That´s just how the game works so set expectations accordingly.

The medicines help me get clear on so many things. Post retreat periods left me with so much compassion for my family, for my ex partner but most of all, for myself. I learnt awesome healing techniques that were given to me by the plant as well as what felt like very wise off planet beings. I also got to sit and have conversations in the astral realm with (whom I consider) awesome folks like Nelson Mandela, Aretha Franklin and Buddha that still replay in my self talk to this day, becoming part of my own inner compass.

The outcome from having attended all those ceremonies, as well as continued integration sessions in my talk therapy and conversations with curious friends, it finally felt like I started to what I can only describe as “take a seat into myself” and finally be comfortable with who I was. My meditation practice became a solid part of my routine and my drive and passion for life was reignited. 

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