Embracing Growth in Relationships—Why Change is Inevitable

I recently had a thought-provoking dinner conversation with a friend and her boyfriend. We were discussing something we’ve all encountered at some point—the "list" we sometimes have for our partners: what’s acceptable and what’s not. During the chat, her boyfriend made an interesting comment: he said he didn’t want his partner to try and change him.

This sparked a fascinating discussion.

I asked him, *"What’s your expectation around change? Do you think you should stay the same?"* He paused, curious about where I was going with this. And here's where I think many of us can get stuck—mistaking change for something negative or something to be resisted, rather than seeing it for what it is: inevitable growth.

From my perspective, there’s a key distinction between growth and change. Growth is positive, it’s forward movement, it’s essential. Change, on the other hand, often gets a bad rap. But let me be clear: if you’re not growing and evolving, you’re staying static. And in a dynamic world, remaining static is holding yourself back. 

The idea that a partner shouldn't change us is a bit of a misunderstanding. In fact, one of the greatest gifts a relationship can offer is the space for growth—both individually and together. Erika, my partner, and I have a shared expectation that we will grow alongside each other. This kind of mindset fosters acceptance, understanding, support and flexibility in the face of inevitable changes.

Of course, change can feel risky. It’s scary to think that the person you fell in love with might evolve into someone different. But think about it—isn't that part of being human? We change because life happens. It´s inevitable!

A good example of this is how we transition in our relationships with our parents. As they age, we shift from being the child to taking on more responsibility, often stepping into a caregiver role. It’s a change we may not anticipate when we’re younger, but it’s one that requires us to grow and adapt as it happens. 

The same applies when you have kids. Parenting isn’t just about loving your children; it’s about evolving into a person who can meet their needs, stepping up into greater responsibility. If we resist that change, we’re not just stunting our growth—we’re making life more difficult for ourselves and those around us.

So why are we often so afraid of change in our partnerships as opposed to taking the role of fierce supporter and encouraging our partners to grow? Because we associate change with loss. But what if instead of fearing it, we embraced the growth that comes with it? Relationships that survive and thrive are the ones where both partners recognize that change is not just unavoidable—it’s necessary. The key is to love one another enough to navigate that growth together, to remain open, and to make a daily commitment to see where the journey takes you.

In the end, resisting change only makes things harder. Instead, focus on growth. Yes, it may bring risk, but it also brings you back to the present, back to the commitment of saying, “I love you enough to see where this change takes us.”

Change is inevitable. But growth? That’s a choice we can embrace every day.