The Power of a Crucial Conversation

How Owning My Words Transformed an Old Friendship

Over the holidays, I found myself reflecting on personal change. I was recently in South Africa while visiting my mum for Christmas. I picked up an old book  called, "Who Moved My Cheese?—a gem my dad had bought back in 2003. It’s a simple yet profound story about adapting to change. As I re-read this short book, I couldn’t help but think about how much I’ve grown over the years.

But here’s the funny thing about going back to where you grew up: it often brings you face-to-face with your past self. Between reconnecting with old friends, visiting familiar places, and stepping back into the rhythms of my hometown, I found myself slipping, almost unconsciously, into old habits and behaviours. This became even clearer when I attended my best friend’s wedding in October.

I reunited with people I hadn’t seen in twenty years—people who knew me as a very different version of “Mish.” Many commented on how much I’d changed, and while I appreciated the recognition, being back in that environment occasionally brought out the old Mish—the judgmental, unkind one I’ve worked so hard to outgrow.

A Moment of The Old Me

At the pre-wedding drinks, I ran into an old friend from my London partying days. We hugged and exchanged smiles, and he said, “Wow, Mish, you’re looking fantastic! What have you been doing?” Now, for context, I’m about twenty kilograms lighter than the last time he saw me. He, on the other hand, had gained some weight.

Without even thinking, the "old Mish" blurted out, “Well, everything you haven’t been doing.”

It was meant as a joke, but it was unkind. I felt it was unkind as I said it as I watched him recoil and rub his belly a little. He laughed it off, saying he’d been struggling to keep the weight off, and the conversation moved on. But that night, as I reflected on the exchange, I realized how unnecessary my comment had been. I’d slipped into old patterns of unnecessarily mocking people — the ones I thought I’d left behind.

Taking responsibility

This is where the tools I teach my clients came into play. I believe in practicing what I preach, and I knew this was a moment for me to have a crucial conversation.

The next day, I approached my friend and said, “Hey, listen, I just want to apologize for what I said yesterday. It wasn’t nice, and I didn’t mean it. That was the old me slipping out.”

His response was beautiful. He told me he hadn’t taken it to heart but deeply appreciated the apology. We hugged, and the moment brought us closer.

The Power of Owning Your Words

Having that conversation wasn’t easy. It required vulnerability and courage, but the outcome was so worth it. By taking responsibility for my words, I dissolved that old pattern and reset the energetic reference point in the relationship with my friend. This deepened our connection and we both felt good in each other´s company. We treated each other differently after that—not like the old days of mockery, but with more kindness and mutual respect.

This experience reminded me how transformative crucial conversations can be. When approached with truth and love, even difficult conversations can lead to healing, growth, and stronger relationships.

Why Crucial Conversations Matter More Than Ever

I believe we’re now being called to step into more authentic, aligned ways of living. That often means having the conversations we’ve been avoiding—whether it’s apologizing, setting boundaries, or saying no.

Here´s the thing about having or not having these conversations. Not having the crucial conversation only leads to more challenges down the line and that's no fun for anyone. Having the conversation leads to deeper relationships, letting go of old baggage and creating new connections from a more authentic space. 

If this resonates with you and you’d like to learn how to navigate these tricky yet transformative conversations, I’d love to support you. Click here to connect with me, and let’s chat about how you can develop the tools to lead with truth, love, and courage. I promise you it will change your life and the change is always worth it.